


silent lucidity

by butmomilovepeter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Sick Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 02:40:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16255007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmomilovepeter/pseuds/butmomilovepeter
Summary: peter's back, tony named his kid after him, and thanos is gone.so what could go wrong?fever dreams, apparently.





	1. Chapter 1

Peter doesn’t really remember his reunion with Tony. Not that he doesn’t  _ want  _ to remember, but it’s all a blur. He remembers light. He remembers the crowd. He remembers Tony looking at him. He remembers Tony hugging him. Maybe he hugged back, but he didn’t know. Maybe he cried, maybe Tony cried, but his mind was elsewhere. He remembers  _ wanting  _ to cry, at least, but whether he did or not was lost to him. 

He had closed his eyes while Tony embraced him, and then suddenly he was in a bed. Wearing athletic pants and one of Tony’s sweatshirts. _ Mr.Stark’s house? _ his mind thinks numbly. He unwrapped himself from the sheets, swaying on his feet as he stood.  The sudden realization hits him fast, because  _ oh God I was dead I was dead I was dead.  _

He sank back into the bed, wrapping his own arms around himself. 

“ _ Mr. Parker?”  _ Tony’s ever-alert A.I. speaks. 

“F-FRIDAY?” He stutters. The lights slowly grow brighter, and he realizes it’s daylight out, and the clock on the side of the bed read 2:46 pm. 

“ _ Mr. Stark wanted to know the minute you woke up. He’s on his way now, but he’ll be a couple minutes.”  _ Her voice is sweet, considering it’s the first one he truly hears since...since being dead. He nods to the ceiling. 

Then a noise. A different noise. One that he thought we never be heard in the Stark household. 

A baby crying. 

Peter senses it’s been awhile since the snap. Curiosity over takes him as he tip toes out of his room, following the cries. He enters the room at the end of the corridor, opening the already ajar door. It’s a nursery, comfortable and littered with baby toys. And next to the window is a crib. He takes hesitant steps towards it, wondering if he’s intruding. 

There’s a baby, staring up at Peter with big brown eyes. And despite still feeling dizzy and scared, he smiles. Because the kid  _ looks  _ like Mr.Stark. Except for the hair. That was all from Pepper. 

“You got him to stop crying as soon as you looked at him,” a voice said, in fake awe. “He usually doesn’t stop for awhile.” 

Peter spun around on his heel, looking at Tony, who was leaning on the door frame. 

“Hey, Mr.Stark.” He said softly, his voice cracking without warning. Tony smiled, but there was a certain guilt behind it. 

“Hey, Pete. I see you’ve met the baby,” he began, walking towards them. “I know you’ve got a lot of questions, then.” 

Peter nodded, poking a finger at the baby for him to grab. There were so many things to ask, but his muddled and confused brain could only focus on so much. 

“How long was I...you know?” He said finally. The baby gurgled at Peter, playing with his hand. Tony sighed, taking the armchair behind him. 

“‘Bout a year and a half, give or take. I’ll tell you about the big Thanos showdown later, but it took awhile for us to figure out how to get everyone back,” he paused, looking suddenly amused at the baby. “Long enough for him to come along. He can even pull himself up now.” 

The baby rolled on to his stomach, then pulled himself up with the rods of the crib. Then, with one hand, he reached for Tony, curling his little fingers. Tony sighed, smirking as he stood to pick up the baby. 

“He’s lucky he’s adorable, because he keeps me and Pep up _all night.”_ He said through a fake smile. Peter laughs a bit at that, then stops when he’s reminded that _that’s_ _the first laugh since I’ve been dead I was dead I was dead I was-_

_ “ _ You okay, kid?” Tony asked quietly, as the baby pulls off his glasses and starts playing with them. Peter took a deep breath, staring out the window. 

“Generally or right now?” Peter asked honestly. Tony ponders this for a moment before taking the glasses back and setting them on the table nearby. 

“Both.”

“Right now? Confused because you have a  _ baby,  _ but generally?” He pauses, his stomach churning with a similar twist that the snap gave him. “Not great.” He doesn’t look at Tony’s eyes because he knows if he does he’ll start crying. He listens to the baby babble for a moment before lifted his head back up, feeling Tony’s gaze on him. 

“Kid?” Tony asked, concerned yet understanding. 

“Yeah, Mr.Stark?” Peter mumbles. He finally meets Tony’s eyes, feeling the emotion build up in his chest. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He offers quietly. But Peter doesn’t answer, because all his mind can think about is  _ Where’s May? Where’s Ned? How did they defeat Thanos? How long was I asleep? Why was I dead I was dead I was dead Oh My God I was dead- _

“Breathe, Peter. You’re just overwhelmed.” Tony reassures, making Peter realize he had been holding his breath. He hugs his arms to his chest, taking a large breath before nodding. 

“What’s...what’s his name?” He asks, almost with an innocence that he didn’t know he still had. At that, Tony softens and smiles.

“Morgan Stark.” He locks eyes with Peter. “Morgan  _ Peter  _ Stark.” 

Peter feels his face grow bright red. He looks at Tony’s son, who reached his hands out for Peter. In return, Peter graciously accepted the baby into his arms. 

“You named him…?” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. Tony nodded. 

“Seemed fitting. Naming my kid after my first son.” 

At that, Peter feels his eyes well up with tears, afraid he’ll burst out into sobs if he opened his mouth. The baby placed his chubby hands on Peter’s cheeks. 

“If you didn’t want to overwhelm me, you’re not doing a very good job.” He blurts out before he can stop himself. He expects Tony to get mad, but instead he bursts out laughing. 

“Alright, Pete,” he says through giggles. “We’ll take it slow.” 

 

~

 

_ “Peter.”  _ A soft and familiar voice calls him as he walks down the hallway. He turns and she’s there, whole, inviting and warm. She was wearing a sweater and faded jeans, her hair in a low ponytail and the lines under her eyes are darker than he remembered. 

“May.” He breathes out, and when he says it, it becomes _ real  _ again, and for a moment he pushes out the thoughts of ash and death and  _ fear _ , because she’s real. And a little part of him feels real again too. 

She smiles as tears stream down her face, but her eyes are happy. He hears the thumping of his own feet as he runs towards her, catching himself before he completely knocks her over. She crashes into him before he can though, and before he knows it he allows himself to cry for real for the first time. Her fingers ran through his hair, her cheek pressed into his head. He can feel her chest shaking as he clings to her. They sink to the floor on their knees. Peter felt the emotion build up in his chest before all coming out in one breath. 

“I’m sorry

MayIshouldacomehomebutIdidn’tandthenThanoswonandthen-”

“Peter!” She interrupted with a sob. “Baby, that’s behind us! I’ve got you back now.” 

He buried his face into he shoulder, feeling small. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled again. 

“Hon, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I’m here now.” She reassured, cupping his face with slender fingers. She stared at him with tender eyes before she furrowed her eyebrows. 

“What?” He ask, tilting his head. She put a hand to his forehead.

“You’re very flushed.” She stated with concern. Peter shook his head but melted into her touch. 

“I’m fine, May. Just...a lot’s happened.” Now that she mentioned it, he _did_ still feel dizzy, but he knew why. The moment of bliss was over and the fear returned. He felt his breath quicken as he remembered the ashes; as he remembered dying. He felt May pull him to her chest as they sat on the floor, rocking him back and forth. 

“Shh, Peter. It’s over. You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” 

But he didn’t quite believe her. 

 

~

 

It was May’s idea, actually, for Peter to stay with Tony and Pepper the next couple weeks. She didn’t want to leave him, but people were starting to return to her jobs, and May was needed just about everywhere at work. Up early in the morning before she thought Peter would be awake and coming home late at night while Peter was asleep, but she didn’t want to leave Peter alone during the day, and she knew that Tony would gladly say yes. 

And Peter was in love with Morgan. He spent so much time playing with the baby that it was hard to pull them away. 

“I think he’s coping.” May whispered to Tony once as they watched Peter read to Morgan. 

“It’s gonna take awhile for him to adjust. You said that the school is letting the kids take the year off?” Tony said in a hushed voice. May nodded. 

“You’ll keep an eye on him? You won’t be able to call me.” 

“I’ve got him.”

  
  


~

 

It was the end of the first week Peter was there that he had the worst nightmare yet. He’d had them every night since, but he usually just wakes himself up and curls in on his stomach and waits till morning, and he’s usually up with Morgan. 

But it was different this time. Because he didn’t wake himself up. 

 

_ “Arachnid.” Thanos grumbled towards Peter. It’s bitter and cold and his mouth feels like dust. He felt his chest tighten, pressure on his temples. It was cold, yet he felt a layer of sweat on him anyway. He couldn’t see anything. Just hear. Just feel.  _

_ “What? What do you want from me?” He cried to the darkness. A wave of pain hit him, making his knees buckle. He groaned aloud, but no sound escaped.  _

_ “You think it’s over, little one? You think you’ve won? It’s far from done.” The voice made his blood cold, yet it was so low and smooth that it almost calmed him. Almost.  _

_ “What do you...?” He whimpered, feeling the dust build up on his teeth.  _

_ “How funny. The youngest of you so called “Avengers”....was the only one to not have a painless death.”  _

_ “Please…” he heaved. “What do you mean?”  _

_ “My promise was a quick and painless death. Yet you...you felt it, didn’t you? Not just your own...you felt half of the universe die.” Thanos said. Peter shook his head rapidly, making his vision swim— even in the darkness.  _

_ “Why me?” _

_ “All that despair...it won’t go away. Neither will I.” _

_ “Why are you doing this?” He asked weakly. Thanos chuckled.  _

_ “You’ll never escape, boy. I’ll always be here,” He retorted. “Look at your hands.”  _

_ They were ash.  _

_ “Nonononononononono please. Please please please!”  _

_ No Mr.Stark to hug. No May to cry to.  _

_ Peter did the only thing he could still do.  _

_ He screamed.  _

  
  


~

 

The clock read 3:21 am. It was Pepper’s turn to check on Morgan. Tony enjoyed his sleep, waiting for Pepper to return. He was glad for soundproof walls, glad that Pepper kept the baby monitor on her side of the bed. Her choice. And Tony was glad Peter was okay. Glad his son would have a really good kid to look up to; a brother to have. For once in his life, the only feeling Tony felt at the moment was glad. Happy. 

Until he felt feet thumping down the hallway. He shot up quickly as Pepper appeared in the doorway, her hair up in a messy bun with Morgan on her hip. She panted as if she had ran down from the baby’s room. 

“Peter. It’s Peter.” She said through breaths. Tony flipped the blanket off, touching Pepper’s arm with a gentle tug. He half ran down the hall with Pepper hot on his trail. He heard sobs as soon as he left the room. 

“What’s happening?” He asked frantically. 

“I’m not sure. I was walking around with Morgan a bit, and then I heard him. I didn’t want to go without you.” She responded, hoisting the baby up as she walked. As they approached the door of Peter’s room, he heard it. 

A loud, painful, devastating scream. 

Tony felt his heart break in two. 

Behind him, Morgan whimpered at the noise. 

“I’ll handle this, why don’t you go lay with the baby? I might be awhile.” 

Pepper nodded, giving a sympathetic look towards the door. 

“If he needs anything, just tell me.” She said softly. Tony nodded. He opened the door without hesitation, his blood freezing at the sight of Peter thrashing, tangled in his sheets, sobbing. 

“ _ Please...I don’t wanna go. Please don’t make me!”  _ He cried. Tony lunged at the bed, holding down Peter’s arm in one hand and cupping his face with the other. Overwhelming heat radiated from him as tears streamed down his face. 

“Wake up, kid,” Tony said, shaking him lightly. “Wake up!”

“ _ I can’t do it again. I don’t want to!”  _ Peter’s eyes snapped opened, bloodshot and glossy. He hyperventilated as eyes pupils circled all around the room but saw nothing real. Then they met Tony. 

“It hurt so bad, Mr.Stark. It  _ hurt.”  _ He groaned, gripping Tony’s t-shirt with full strength, something he usually keeps in control. Tony grabbed Peter’s wrists with as much force as possible before hugging Peter close to his chest, using all  _ his  _ strength as Peter still squirmed in fear. He shivered and gave into Tony. Tony winced in sympathy at the heat from Peter. 

He ran his fingers through his hair like he had seen May do a couple times. 

“What hurt, kid?” He murmured. Peter gripped Tony’s arm, sobbing. 

“No...please…” He pleaded. Tony gulped, unsure of what to do. 

“What’s his temp, FRI?” He asked to the ceiling. 

“ _ 104 degrees, sir. He was having nightmares all week, but his fever spiked a couple hours ago, resulting in the fever dream.”  _ She replied.  _ Shit.  _ He pulled Peter closer, murmuring reassurances under his breath. 

“Breath with me, Pete. It was just a dream.” Tony said softly. The kid took a shaky breath before shaking head against Tony. 

“No...he keeps coming back. He told me he wasn’t gonna leave me alone. The despair...” Peter said, voice slurred. He was less shaken, but still terrified as he clung to Tony. 

“What else happened, kid?” Tony asked, rubbing Peter’s back as he gently laid him back down.

“He said…said that I was the only one.” Peter responded, voice delirious and eyes unfocused. 

“Only one what?” He prompted, letting Peter return to his arms again. Peter gripped Tony’s shirt, but with less force as before. 

“The only one who felt pain when they died.” He said, barely a whisper, before he closed his eyes tightly at the sudden movement.  Tony felt his heart leap to his throat at the innocence in Peter’s choppy voice. He instinctively pulled the damp curls back from Peter’s forehead, thinking maybe he should go get something to bring down the fever. Or maybe he should let him sleep it off. But if the nightmares came back…

But then he put two and two together. 

“Did it hurt when you turned to ash?” He asked in a low hesitant voice. “Peter?” 

Peter nodded. 

“Real bad.” He whispered, his voice cracking. He hugged Tony tightly, shaking slightly. 

“Because of your senses?” Tony asked, aware that Peter’s powers made everything more intense; mostly pain. 

“I felt myself get ripped apart,” He responded in his feverish state. “But...not just that.” 

Tony’s lips thinned, putting one of his hands on Peter’s cheek. 

“What do you mean, Peter?” He asked, slight panic in his tone. Peter sighed deeply, because Tony doesn’t just say his full name normally. He means it.

“Ya remember...in Star Wars...A New Hope?” Peter slurred. Tony half smiled at the kid, who was somehow always able to make some sort of reference. “When, uh, Obi Wan senses the destruction of, um...Alderaan? Like that. But worse.” He swallowed, tears spilling out of his eyes. Tony felt his own breath sputter, dropping his smile. He had suspected Peter’s death was different than everyone else’s, just by the nightmares that came and the absent mindedness. The way he was quiet with everyone except for the baby. But to have sensed the deaths of billions of people? That has a way bigger impact than just turning to dust. And on top of all that, he was miserably sick. He held him protectively --almost cradling his head like he does Morgan. 

“I’m so sorry, kid.” He grumbled into Peter’s hair, not sure what else to say to him. Peter mumbled a couple of “no”s before sucking in a deep breath. 

“I felt everyone’s  _ fear,  _ Mr.Stark. And then it was gone. But  _ I  _ wasn’t gone yet,” Peter said, almost a question. “Why? Why didn’t I…” Peter trailed off. Tony’s heart clenched at the pure pain in Peter’s voice. He knew the rest of that sentence.  _ Why didn’t I die as quick as the others?  _

“I don’t know, Pete. I really don’t.” Tony muttered, arms full of Peter. Peter cried silently, feverish and still slightly delirious. They were quiet for a long, long time. 

“Tony?” Tony felt Peter vibrate at the sudden words. 

“Yeah, kid?” Tony responded. 

“Is he…” Peter started. “Is he ever gonna get out of my head?” He sounded younger than Tony had ever heard him. Tony sighed, hugging Peter as tightly as he thought he could without hurting him. How could he respond to that? 

“One day, Peter. One day it won’t hurt as much.” Was the response he came up with. He had to convince himself that was true, or Peter would never be able to. Peter half nodded against him. 

“That’s what May told me after Ben died, but it hasn’t stopped hurting.” Peter said, his words still drawn out and tinged with fear. 

“I know. You just gotta trust me, kiddo.” Tony stated. He felt the grip on him loosen as Peter exhaustively laid his head on Tony’s shoulder. “You’re still really warm.” Tony used the back of hand to Peter’s forehead again.

“May called it a week ago. She always knows this stuff. ‘Shoulda listen to her.” Peter said with a yawn. Tony chuckled at that.

“She’s a smart lady.”

“Mmmhmm,” Peter hummed. “You’ll stay until I fall asleep?” 

Tony nodded. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 


	2. Far Too Young to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when peter doesn't get any better, tony calls in bruce, who brings thor along

  
  


“Okay, just put  _ that,”  _ Tony said, moving Peter’s hand with the screwdriver in it. “ _ There.”  _

“Oh, that makes sense.” Peter stated, not a whole lot emotion in his voice. Tony thought it was a good idea to let Peter tinker, taking his mind off of last night. Somewhat reluctantly, Peter had taken Ibuprofen the next morning after breakfast, and Tony felt a little better now that his fever had gone down. He made Pepper take Morgan out for a couple hours, so at the moment it was just him and Peter. Tony watched as he intensely work his way though his own suit, fixing one of the legs. Tony didn’t like how quiet he was, usually he talked his ear of while they worked. 

“You wanna talk about last night?” Tony prompted carefully. Peter shook his head. 

“I’m sick and I had a nightmare. There’s not much to talk about.” Peter responded without looking up. Tony shook his head. 

“It seemed like a bit more than that, kiddo.” Tony said, crossing his arms over his chest. He heard Peter sigh as he moved to the other side of the table. Tony could tell he was trying to ignore him, or maybe just ignore the question. “ _ Peter.”  _

Peter glared a bit and put his screwdriver down with a deep breath. 

“I’m fine, Mr.Stark. Really.” 

Tony didn’t buy it. 

“Right, so you didn’t feel the deaths of half the universe? And you had a painless death, just like everyone else?” Tony asked with eyebrows raised. Peter avoided Tony’s eyes, looking down at the floor. 

“It wasn’t fun, okay? But I can’t do anything about it.” He responded, sounding winded. Tony knew he was bottling things up, it was the way Peter worked. He caught Peter at a vulnerable moment, he knew that. If he hadn’t been sick, Tony probably would have never heard what happened. Tony knew the kid had been desperate. 

“Kid, look. I can’t force you to talk about it. I can’t  _ make  _ you confide in me,” he paused, walking towards Peter. “But it will not get  _ any  _ better if you don’t.” 

Peter crossed his arms similar to Tony. He looked flushed, but Tony thought maybe he should wait to mention it. 

“But if I talk about it, I have to remember,” Peter whispered. “And I just wanna  _ forget.”  _ His voice cracked, and Tony immediately felt guilty for him. That’s too much for a seventeen year old. The amount of trauma was enough to send someone like himself into a spiral, and Peter was still in  _ high school.  _

He saw Peter wiped his eyes. He turned back to grab the screwdriver, and then he froze. 

“What is it?” Tony asked, hoping maybe he changed his mind. “Peter?” 

When Peter turned to face him slowly, he could see the clouds in his eyes. 

His face was a mixture of confusion and pain, and the screwdriver clattered to the ground. Tony ran forward, seeing Peter’s knees buckle and his arms go limp. 

Peter was dead weight in his arms, heat coming off from him in waves. 

“Damn it, Parker,” Tony muttered, not really meaning it harshly. “FRIDAY?” 

“ _ Mr.Parker’s temperature seems to have spiked from 99.8 to 105.6. I cannot give you a true diagnosis, but my best guess is something to do with coming back from death and his heightened senses. I advise calling Dr.Banner, him and Thor have been staying in town for the last few weeks.”  _ FRIDAY’s voice was kind, and Tony was glad he programmed her so well. Now to why Bruce and Thor have been staying together...that was for another time. 

Tony hoisted Peter into his arms bridal style, frowning at how light Peter was. Peter groaned against him, face almost grey except for his bright red cheeks. 

From there, Tony wasn’t sure where to bring Peter. There was the couch in the lab, but it was more for late nights down there (when someone made him  _ at least  _ take a break.) 

Both of their rooms were pretty far, and he wasn’t sure what to do if he brought him to the medical wing. 

_ If I may,”  _ FRIDAY chimed in. Tony let out a weak “sure” before looking to the ceiling.  _ “Place him on the couch, then call Dr.Banner. He’ll know what to do once he arrives.”  _

Right, couch. 

Peter didn’t make any noise as he set him down, which made him worried, but he moved on to calling Bruce. 

“Oh, hey Tony, what’s up?” Bruce’s voice came down from above, sounding surprised by the call. 

“Um, are you busy?” Tony asked first.

“Not necessarily,  Thor and I were just out for lunch.” He responded, and Tony could tell by his tone he was smiling. He made a confused face but continued.

“Right, well, have you heard from any of the other’s who, uh, came back? Medical wise?”

“Came back from wha- Oh! Actually, Wanda said she had been feeling a bit dizzy since, and everyone else said they just felt a little unbalanced. Just side effects from it, I’m sure,” he paused, and Tony heard chewing on the other end. “Why? Is something wrong with Peter?” 

Tony gulped, nodding even though Bruce couldn’t see it. 

“There’s… a lot to explain. You wouldn’t mind coming down, would you?”

“I’ll be right over.” Was the answer he received. 

“May I join?” A voice said, sounding a bit far away. Thor. 

“Sure, Peter’s been dying to meet you. He’ll be excited,” then he paused, frowning at the couch. “You know, if he was consciouse.”

“He’s  _ unconscious?!”  _ Bruce exclaimed, panic in his voice. “We’d already be there if you had mentioned  _ that. _ ” 

 

~

 

“So...he could sense that deaths of half the universe...as well his own?” Bruce asked, less of a question but more of a realization. Tony nodded.

Thor had offered to carry Peter to the medical wing, which was where they were now, surrounding the small white bed as Peter’s chest moved slowly up and down, slight wheezing coming from his nose.The IV drip was in his arm now, but he wasn’t sure what Bruce put in it. He didn’t bother to ask. 

“Can you explain what happened last night?” Thor questioned. Tony could tell he liked Peter, just by the way Thor looked at him with such a soft gaze, and the way he smiled when Peter was gathered in his arms. 

Tony ran a hand through his hair and nodded. 

“Pepper came and woke me up because he was having a nightmare, and when I got there his fever had spiked,” he said, slumping into a chair. “Somehow I got him talking about his dream...when I got there his fever had spiked,” he paused, slumping into a chair. “Somehow I got it out of him what happened in his dream.” 

“And it was about Thanos, I presume?” Thor inquired. Tony nodded slowly.

“He asked me if Thanos was ever going to get out of his head.” He remembered quietly. tHe other men were silent as well. There’s not so much you can say to that. 

It was Peter who made the first noise. A small, painful whimper, his eyes scrunching together tightly. 

Bruce was on him in a flash, prying open one eye with a small flashlight in hand. Tony wanted to move forward, but Thor put out an arm in a stopping motion, and with an annoyed breath he backed up. 

“I think he’s having a nightmare again,” Bruce whispered. “His fever is too damn high.” 

“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Tony piped up. Bruce violently shook his head. 

“I don’t, and it’s so _weird_. I just don’t see what the issue is…” Bruce went off rambling, making various hand gestures as he check through Peter’s medical records, and at one point he got so frustrated, Thor had to physically hold down Bruce’s arm to his sides. 

Finally, he sighed, taking off his glasses. 

“The only thing I can possibly think of,” he said. “Is that maybe his body is still reshaping itself and his immune system was weakened.”

“You said that his body took longer to dissolved, didn’t you? Maybe it takes longer to reform as well.” Thor offered. 

“Let’s hope you’re right, Point Break.” Tony responded, and as Peter continued to dream.

 

~

 

Tony wasn’t sure what his sickness was, but it was chalked full of a fever that wasn’t getting lower and nightmares that wouldn’t leave Peter alone. He cried in his sleep too. Tony had seen him do it before— before Thanos— after a practically rough mission out of the country resulting in Peter not being able to save everyone. And on the plane ride home, he watched as Peter slept, letting his guard down and putting the happy-go-lucky attitude aside. He watched as Peter hiccuped in his sleep, but not wanting to comfort him in fear of waking him up. He never mentioned it to him. 

He did enjoy Bruce and Thor’s company though, the duo was pretty entertaining. However, he still couldn’t reach May, and with still a week to go, fear built up in his throat, hoping he wouldn’t scream out in front of others. 

Pepper wasn’t May, that was true, but she had studied the things May did with Peter and got to know her pretty well while Peter was gone. May was a good babysitter for Morgan, too. 

Tony watched from the doorway as Pepper smiled softly when Peter mumbled May’s name as she curled a blanket over him. God, the kid must have been  _ miserable.  _ He didn’t wake up often, but when he did, he was delirious and wouldn’t eat anything, saying it tasted like dust.

_ Dust. _


	3. Protect

Morgan was starting to miss Peter. He wouldn’t let anyone read to him, shrieking “-eter!” every time, only wanting  _ Peter  _ to do it. 

“I  _ know  _ you want Peter,” Tony sighed one day to the crying baby. “But he can’t right now.” 

Morgan’s lips puckered with a whine. 

“Eter…” He whimpered. 

“He’s sick, Mo. And when he’s all better, he’ll read to you, okay?” Tony laid him down in his crib. “Maybe if you sleep, he’ll be better after.” It was a weak attempt, but Tony was running out of things to say.

He shut the lights off as he walks out, closing the door. As he made his way down the hallway, he heard thumping of feet behind him. 

“Tony!” Bruce called after him, a smirk playing on his face. 

“What’s up?” Tony asked, turning to face him. Bruce let out a breath with a smile.

“He’s awake. For real.”

 

~

Peter was paler than he ever was, the bags under his eyes darker than ever. He looked small in Tony’s sweatshirt and against the white sheets, but the fever had  _ finally  _ broken. 

Thor had been chatting with Peter, who was still laying down. He stopped when he saw Tony walk in, a small smile on his lips. 

“Hey, Mr.Stark.” He said, his voice horse. Tony was grinning from ear to ear, overwhelmingly happy to see Peter awake. 

“Hi there, Pete. Thank you for gracing us with your presence.” Tony remarked, taking a spot next to Peter’s bed. Peter let out a dry chuckled, and Tony saw Bruce take Thor by the arm out of the room from the corner of his eye. 

“We’ll talk later, Peter.” Thor promised, giving a little wave. 

“Okay, Mr.Thor.” Peter croaked our after him with a smile. Once they left, Tony finally took a breath, squeezing Peter’s shoulder gently. 

“Jesus, kid. That probably wasn’t fun.” Tony sighed. Peter shook his head. 

“Nope. What was wrong with me?” He responded, tilting his head. Tony dropped his gaze, not sure if he should make the kid think about it again. “Tony?” Tony looked up at the sound of his name. 

“Yeah?” 

“Please tell me.” Peter pleaded, using those damn puppy dog eyes. Tony huffed. 

“We’re not sure, Pete. We think…” He inhaled deeply, trying to keep his voice even so Peter wouldn’t freak out. “We think it probably has something to do with you coming back from the dead.”

Peter’s face fell a bit, as if he was thinking about it as Tony says it. 

“Oh.” He let out quietly. Tony nodded sympathetically. For awhile, Tony doesn’t really know what to say. All he wanted to do was talk to Peter while he was sick, and know that he was better, he couldn’t think of anything.

“What happened while I was sick?” Peter asked, breaking the silence. 

“What do you remember?”

Peter scrunched up his face in confusion, searching for memories. 

“I remember we were talking, and then I got really dizzy, and from there it’s kinda a blur,” he stated, coughing slightly at the end. “I kinda remember Dr.Banner. And, um, I don’t know…” He trailed off, looking kinda scared. 

“You were having nightmares left and right, kid.” Tony told him softly. Peter shuddered, and Tony half-heatedly wished he had kept his mouth shut. 

“I still feel like garbage.” Peter snarled. Tony barked out a small laugh.

“Can you stand?” Tony inquired, still half laughing. Peter wondered for a moment before sitting up, and failing to get his legs to cooperate with him. 

“Don’t think so.”

“Well, we’ll take it easy. How about some food?”

 

~

 

It’s the next day that Tony witnesses Peter reach his breaking point. 

He’s working in the lab again, despite Bruce’s orders to stay in bed. Tony finds him there, working diligently on his IronSpider suit, yet Tony’s  _ sure  _ there’s nothing wrong with it. 

“You should be resting.” Tony tells him, which startles Peter. He gasps and spins around, obviously swaying on his feet but tries not to let it affect him. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” He replies shortly. He resumes his spot, working on the front of the suit. Tony wants to walk forward, but his legs don’t move. 

“Nightmare again, huh?” He offers. Peter stops for a moment, nodding. 

“Same one,  _ every  _ time. Tells me he won’t leave me alone, and then I turn back into dust.” He bites out, not turning to face Tony. He sighs, throwing down whatever tool he had in his hand. He finally turns to face Tony with tears stuck in his eyes. Yet they were almost  _ angry.  _

“I’m sorry, Pete. You shouldn’t have had to fight-”

“ _ No!”  _ Peter interrupts loudly. “You don’t  _ get  _ it!” He really is angry now, slamming his fist down. Tony’s taken aback at first, but caves.

“What do you-”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. I could have been with May, or at school, or in fucking New Mexico, but I would have still  _ felt it,”  _ Peter never swears. Never cusses. Can’t even say Hell in front of adults without apologizing. “I still would have nightmares of all those people dying, all those people  _ screaming.  _ Do you know how it feels to have your body ripped apart, atom by atom? No, because that was  _ just fucking me! _ ” 

He falls back a bit, realizing what he said. 

“Peter…”

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.” His eyes are fixed on the floor. He doesn’t talk for a minute. Then another. Then another. 

“Every time I close my eyes, I see my hands turn to dust. He smiles when it happens.” He says finally, voice cracking. Tony swallows, because the amount of sheer trauma Peter has gone through hurts him, too. 

“I’m so sorry, Peter.” 

Peter shakes his head, taking a few lazy steps towards Tony. 

“Why was it only me?” He asks quietly. “Why did it  _ have  _ to only be me?”

It’s quiet and broken, and before he knows it, Tony’s got his arms full of a devastated, sick, and traumatized teenager. He feels Peter give him, wrapping his arms slowly around Tony’s waist. He feels him shudder against him, wracked with sobs. Part of him wants to cry for Peter’s sake. 

“Tony, I’m  _ scared _ .” He cries, sounding like a little kid again. Tony holds him tight, running his fingers through his hair like May does. Tony surprises himself with how well he knows how to handle Peter. 

“I know, kid. I know.” 

They stay like that for longer than Tony can count. 

 

~

Tony tells him it gets easier if you’ve got someone to protect.

Peter chooses Morgan to be that someone. 

“Alright, Mo. What’ll it be this time?” He laid the books on the floor, letting Morgan choose. The baby points to the one with the most color. Peter likes to watch him think, because he makes the same face Tony does. He inhales, bringing both Morgan and the book to his lap. He pretends not to notice Tony, May, and Pepper watching them from the hallway as he reads aloud, and eventually he feels Morgan fall asleep against him. 

But he doesn’t move. He doesn’t need to. Because for the moment, all three of his parents were watching over him, and his little brother was safe in his arms. Not to mention his two adoptive uncles, a scientist with seven PhD's who can turn into a giant green monster, and the literal God of Thunder, had an eye on him. 

Peter is far from okay in his head, but right now?

Peter couldn’t ask for anything more. 

**Author's Note:**

> the titled is based on a song about nighmares, so like, what the hell? i went for it


End file.
